A VOICE OF DARKNESS

 

An evil darkness lingers over Amishville, Indiana every weekend.

 

“ My name is Elroy Cahlahan. I am a tall stump of a man standin’ nearly six foot five and a’most 300 pounds. I wear a lot of bib overalls and white t-shirts. I have long black hair and a wild fuzzi’ beard. My beautiful wife Eve on the other hand is jus’ the opposite. She only weighs ‘bout 100 pounds soakin’ wet, an’ she is built like a bric’ sh’, well ya’ all know whit I mean. She looks lik’ Elly Mae Clampett on the Beverly Hillibillies with dark hair instead of  blonde. We ‘ave be’n hitched nearly five years now.

I work at th’ local feed store call’d Peabody’s Feed an’ Seed, my boss’s name is Clint. It tis’ a good thin’ too, cause my Eve sure do lik’ her critters. We own a mes’ of them, chick’ns, turk’ys, ducks, rabbits, and so on. Iffin’ ya’ all can name it or et’ it, we probably own it. We own nearly forty acr’s  ‘bout twenty miles this side from town. My favrit’ pass time is lyin’ in our sunflower field to take a little’ snooz’ or two.”

Across the field in the bright blue sky, of high noon, filled up with darkness but not a cloud was in sight. The air suddenly felt like ice on this hot and muggy August afternoon,normally the hottest month of the year in Amishville, Indiana. The huge oak trees in the distant were weaving to and fro, but no wind was blowing, not even the slightest breeze. The frolicking critters of nature all took cover. This darkness fast approaching was evil, I could feel it in my bones.

The ground started rumbling, and the oak trees started bending in the middle for mercy. The darkness kept getting closer until I was completely engulfed in it.

A voice pierced my ear with sharpness. A screeching voice that I knew all too well.

A voice that strikes fear in everything and everyone around it. A voice that never ceases to criticize me and my ways.

The darkness is the voice’s huge body hovering over me, as I sleep in this field of sunflowers.

The darkness is suppose to be female named Bertha. She is a extra large plus size, wearing a sleeveless moo-moo. Her hair is grey and long and wild like Medusa’s, including the hair under her armpits. Her teeth are bright white and large. Her mouth takes up half of her face. She has a small button nose and cold black beady eyes. 

Bertha looks nothing like my beautiful wife Eve, even though she is her mother.

Unfortunately is time once again for Bertha’s weekly, weekend visit.

 

P. S. “Howdy Folks, Elroy Calahan here again, I just wanted to share one of my favorit’ dishes with ya’all. My beautiful wife Eve sur’ do know how’s to cook. This here recip’ is from The Geezer Cookbook. Tis called Dove w/Mushroom, but jus’ to let ya city slickers know, it works mighty fine fer pigeons:

Dove w/Mushroom

(1) 16 Dove breasts

(2) 4 cups of Rice, uncooked

(3) Salt and Pepper to taste

(4) 4 Tbsp. mararine

(5) 1/2 tsp. rosemary

(6) 1 lb whole mushrooms

(7) 1 medium onion, chopped

(8) 1 1/4 cup favorite wine

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. saute rice in skillet with margarine over medium heat. Cook until light brown in color. Place rice in bottom of casserole dish. Rest Dove breasts, meat-side up, on rice. sprinkle with lemon juice, salt, pepper and rosemary. Surround breasts with mushrooms and onion. Pour wine over meat and rice. Cover and bake 30 minutes or until rice is fluffy and breasts are tender and cooked through.

THE OLD MAN”—THIS WILL MAKE YOUR
DAY!!!!!!!!!!
As I came out of the
supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of
groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the
hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car,
with the door open.

The old man was looking at
the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and
continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five
feet away.

I saw a young man in his
early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking
towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming
too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old
gentleman point to his open hood and say something.

The young man put his
grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac
Escalade and then turn back to the old man and I heard
him yell at the old gentleman saying, ‘You shouldn’t even be
allowed to drive a car at your age.’ And then with a
wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled
rubber out of the parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull
out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he went back to his
car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife
and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it
would be okay. I had seen enough and I
approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight
and as I got near him I said, ‘Looks like you’re
having a problem.’

He smiled sheepishly and
quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and
knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me.
Looking around I saw a gas station up the road and told the
old man that I would be right back. I drove to the
station and went inside and saw three attendants working on
cars. I approached one of them and related the
problem the old man had with his car and offered to pay them
if they could follow me back down and help him.

The old man had pushed the
heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be
comforting his wife. When he saw us, he straightened up and
thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the
problem (overheated engine) I spoke with the old gentleman.

When I shook hands with him
earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had
commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine
too. I nodded and asked the usual question, ‘What outfit did
you serve with?’

He had mentioned that he
served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan,
Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal . He had hit all the
big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over.
As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the
mechanics lower the hood.. They came over to us as the
old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me and I
told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card.

He still reached for the
wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and
address on it and I stuck it in my pocket.. We all shook
hands all around again and I said my goodbye’s to his
wife. I then told the two mechanics that I would
follow them back up to the station. Once at the station I
told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come
along with me and help the old man. I said I
wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge
me.

One of them pulled out a
card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the old
man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they
were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all
around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should
look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would
and drove off.

For some reason I had gone
about two blocks when I pulled over and took the card out of
my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name
of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and
under his name……. ‘Congressional Medal of Honor
Society.’

I sat there motionless
looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked
up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and
marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come
together, because one of us needed help. He was
an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to
greatness and courage and an honor to have been in his
presence. Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM
for America . Thanks to those who served…& those
who supported them.

America is not at war.
The U.S. Military is at
war. America is at the Mall. If
you don’t stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand
in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn’t
“Free” — thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy
what you have today.

LET’S DO THIS — JUST 19
WORDS

GOD OUR FATHER,

WALK THROUGH MY HOUSE AND TAKE AWAY ALL MY WORRIES
AND
ILLNESSES; AND PLEASE WATCH OVER AND HEAL
MY FAMILY

IN JESUS ‘ NAME. AMEN

This prayer is so powerful.
Pass this prayer to 12 people
including me.

–
Vern Peters
IN GOD WE TRUST
SEMPER FI

THIS THE WAY  IT SHOULD BE……….

Harry  Truman Harry  Truman was a different kind of President.  He probably  made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation’s  history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure  of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the  White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the  house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri. His  wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than  their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives  there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a  year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and  personally licking them, granted him an ‘allowance’ and,  later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per  year..

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated,  Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was  no Secret Service following them.

When offered  corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating,  ”You don’t want me. You want the office of the President, and  that doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it’s not for sale.”

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on  his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, “I don’t  consider that I have done anything which should be the reason  for any award, Congressional or otherwise.”

As  president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of  success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold  wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to  become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their  offices. Political offices are now for sale.  (sic.  Illinois )

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he  observed, “My choices in life were either to be a piano player  in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth,  there’s hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!

Is any of this NOT TRUE? Let’s recap: >> >> >>    1. The American people elect a black president with a total of 142 days >> experience as a  US Senator from the most politically corrupt state in >> America whose governor is ousted from office.  The President’s first >> official act is to order the close of Gitmo and make sure terrorists >> civil >> rights are not violated.  (He screwed up!!) >> >>    2. The U.S. Congress rushes to confirm a black Attorney General, Eric >> Holder, whose law firm we later find out represents seventeen Gitmo >> Terrorists.   (An honest mistake?!) >> >>    3. The CIA Boss appointee, Leon Panetta, has absolutely no experience, >> has a daughter Linda, we find out, who is a true radical anti-American >> activist and a supporter of all the Anti-American regimes in the western >> hemisphere.  (There were socio-economic factors involved!) >> >>    4. We got the second most corrupt American woman (Pelosi is #1) as >> Secretary of State; bought and paid for.    (You can put lipstick on a >> pig, but it still stinks!) >> >> >>    5. We got a Tax Cheat for Treasury Secretary who did not properly file >> his own taxes for 12 years.  (He mis-spoke!) >> >>    6. A Commerce Secretary nominee who withdrew due to corruption >> charges. (Another honest mistake???) >> >>    7. A Tax cheat nominee for Chief Performance Officer who withdrew >> under charges.  (Hmmm… another screw-up?) >> >>    8. A Labor Secretary nominee who withdrew under charges of unethical >> conduct.  (Ok, maybe this person was just plain stupid.) >> >> >>    9. A Secretary HHS nominee (Daschle) who withdrew under charges of >> cheating on his taxes.. (We’re running out of excuses for these idiots!!) >> >>    10. Multiple appointments of former lobbyists after an absolute >> campaign statement that no lobbyists would be appointed.  (Dear God, I >> need a drink!) All this occurred just during the first three weeks. … . >> but who’s counting? >> >>     America is being run by the modern-day Three Stooges ; Barry, Nancy >> and Harry and they are still trying to define stimulus…”It’s >> Spending!!!” >> >> >>    The congress passes the $800,000,000,000 (that’s $800 billion) >> pork-loaded spending bill where the government gives you a smidgen of >> your tax dollars ($13 per week), making you feel so good about yourself >> [stimulated], that you want to run out to Wal-Mart and buy a new >> Chinese-made HDTV and go home and watch Telemundo! >> >>    Only in  America , what a country… >> >>    Pray for our country. Here’s the good news though – Obama took Air >> Force One to  Denver to sign the stimulus package, wasting as much as >> 10,000 gallons of fuel OR 24 JOBS FOR ONE YEAR.  Don’t you just love this >> hypocrite? >> >> >>       Speaking of praying, Obama has now been president for seven months >> and yet he & wife (first lady) Michelle, the Christian family they claim >> to be, have not attended church since the inauguration. He must miss >> Reverend Wright! >> >> >> >> >>    In these times ‘I’ll keep my God, my freedom, my gun and my money. >> Anyone that supports this insanity can keep “THE CHANGE”‘

A good summation of Obama’s direction for the country.
>
>
>
> This should be more than enough evidence for not wanting  Obama’s and the
> Dems’ plan!!!
>
>
>
>
>
> This is an impressive record of low achievement.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Obama’s First Six Months’ Accomplishments
>
> 1.  Offended the Queen of England.
>
> 2.  Bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia.
>
> 3.  Praised the Marxist Daniel Ortega.
>
> 4.  Kissed Socialist Hugo Chavez on the cheek.
>
> 5.  Endorsed the Socialist Evo Morales of Bolivia.
>
> 6.  Sided with Hugo Chavez and Communist Fidel Castro against Honduras.
>
> 7.  Announced we would meet with Iranians  with no pre-conditions while
> they’re building their nuclear weapons.
>
> 8.  Gave away billions to AIG also without pre-conditions.
>
> 9.  Expanded the bailouts.
>
> 10.  Insulted everyone who has ever loved a Special Olympian.
>
> 11.  Doubled our national debt..
>
> 12.  Announced the termination of our new missile defense system the day
> after North Korea launched an ICBM.
>
> 13.  Released information on U.S. intelligence gathering despite urgings of
> his own CIA director and the prior=2 0four CIA directors.
>
> 14.  Accepted without comment that five of his cabinet members cheated on
> their taxes and two other nominees withdrew after they couldn’t take the
> heat.
>
> 15. Appointed a Homeland Security Chief who identified military veterans and
> abortion opponents as “dangers to the nation”
>
> 16.  Ordered that the word “terrorism” no longer be used and instead refers
> to such acts as “man made disasters.”
>
> 17.  Circled the globe to publicly apologize for America’s world leadership.
>
> 18.  Told the Mexican president that the violence in their country was
> because of us.
>
> 19.  Politicized the census by moving it into the White House from the
> Department of Commerce.
>
> 20.  Appointed as Attorney General the man who orchestrated the forced
> removal and expulsion to Cuba of a 9-year-old whose mother died trying to
> bring him to freedom in the United States.
>
> 21.  Salutes as heroes three Navy SEALS who took down three terrorists who
> threatened one American life and the next day announces members of the Bush
> administration may stand trial for “torturing” three 9/11 terrorists by
> pouring water up their noses.
>
> 22.  Low altitude photo shoot of Air Force One over New York City that
> frightened thousands of New Yorkers.
>
> 23.  Sent his National Defense Advisor to Europe to assure them that the US
> will no longer treat Israel in a special manner and they might be on their
> own with the Muslims.
>
> 24.  Praised Jimmy Carter’s trip to Gaza where he sided with terrorist Hamas
> against Israel.
>
> 25.  Nationalized General Motors and Chrysler while turning shareholder
> control over to the unions and freezing out retired investors who owned
> their bonds.  Committed unlimited taxpayer billions in the process.
>
> 26.  Passed a huge energy tax in the House that will make American industry
> even less competitive while costing homeowners thousands per year.
>
> 27.  Announced nationalized health care “reform” that will strip seniors of
> their Medicare, cut pay of physicians, increase taxes yet another $1
> trillion, and put everyone on rationed care with government bureaucrats
> deciding who gets care and who doesn’t.
>
> 28. He is destroying the CIA
>
> 29. All of his Czars are communist
>
> 30. Alcorn and Americare are his private organizations to take the census,
> sign poor people to vote, take them to vote, and tell them who to vote for.
>
>
> Bloomberg:  Daschle says, “Health care reform will not be pain
> free.  Seniors should be more accepting of the conditions that come with age
> instead of treating them,” while former Colorado Governor Dick Lamm says
> seniors have “a duty to die.”
>
> If this does not sufficiently raise your ire, just remember that the
> President, Senators and Congressmen have their own special gold plated
> health care plan which is guaranteed the remainder of their lives and they
> are not subject to this new law if they pass it.
>
> Please use the power of the Internet to get this message out. Talk it up at
> the grassroots level.  We have an election coming up in one year and fou r
> months where we can reverse the dangerous direction of the Obama
> administration and its allies.
>
> If you disagree, don’t do anything.  After all, that’s what the Obama
> administration and its allies are counting on……….
>
>
>
>
>

Subject: The Preacher’s Son

An old country preacher..…had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.  Like many young Men his age, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.  One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A Bible…..?

2. A silver dollar…..?

3. A bottle of whisky…..?

4. And a Playboy magazine…..?

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself. ‘When he comes home from school today, I’ll see which object he picks up.

If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.’

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.  He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month’s centerfold.

‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered.

‘He’s gonna run for Congress.’

FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE

1. “Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.”  ~Thomas Jefferson

2.  Those who trade liberty for security have neither. ~John Adams

3.  Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

4. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

5. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.


6. Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.

7.  You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.

8.  Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

9.  You don’t shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

10. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

11.  64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

12.  The  United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.

13.  The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

14.  What part of ’shall not be infringed’ do you NOT understand?

15.  Guns have only two enemies; rust and politicians.

16.  When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.

17.  The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

IF YOU AGREE, PASS THIS ‘REFRESHER’ ON TO TEN FREE CITIZENS.

From a Romanian Newspaper We rarely get a chance to see another country’s editorial about the USA Read this excerpt from a Romanian Newspaper.  The article was written by Mr. Cornel Nistorescu and published under the title ‘C’ntarea Americii, meaning ‘Ode To America ‘) in the Romanian newspaper Evenimentulzilei ‘The Daily Event’ or ‘News of the Day’. ~An Ode to America ~ Why are Americans so united? They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color!  They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs. On 9/ll, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.   Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the Army, or the Secret Service that they are only a bunch of losers.  Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.   Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about. Instead the Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand. After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag.  They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.  On every occasion, they started singing: ‘God Bless America !’ I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was, or of the Californian hockey player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorists and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people. How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?  Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes.  And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put into collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.  What on earth can unites the Americans in such way?  Their land?  Their history?  Their economic Power?  Money?   I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace, I thought things over, I reached but only one conclusion… Only freedom can work such miracles. Cornel Nistorescu (This deserves to be passed around the Internet forever.) It took a person on the outside – looking in – to see what we take for granted ! GOD BLESS AMERIC A !!!

An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. A 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. The man ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!” Time stopped. The bear froze.. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?” The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke. “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLD…And, here is perfect health care for the senior citizens:
>>
>> While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my friends the other day, we have found the solution.
>>
>> I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you are a senior you need
>> to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip?  Unheard of.  We simply can’t afford to take care of you anymore. You don’t need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let’s take care of the young people.  After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.
>>
>> So here is the solution…
>> When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to
>> shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need!  New teeth, great!  Need glasses, no problem. New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart?  Well, bring it on.
>>
>> And who will be paying for all of this?  The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care.
>>
>> And, since you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income tax.
>>
>> Think we have found the Perfect Solution!
>>
>
>

I didn’t know Little Johnny was a Republican! A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different again. Little Johnny said, ‘Because I’m not an Obama fan.’ The teacher asked, ‘Why aren’t you an Obama fan?’ Johnny said, ‘Because I’m a Republican.’ The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, ‘Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.’ Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, ‘If your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, What would that make you?’ With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, ‘That would make me an Obama fan.’